I woke up in the night. I had no idea why. I was tired. I couldn’t think straight. The only thing I was conscious about was the cushion lying next to me. My mind went to you. It doesn’t make sense, I know. But I thought of you. Why? I wondered. Why was there a cushion that I didn’t grab, that I didn’t touch, that I never touch? It was supposed to be on the other side of my bed. What was it doing here? Lying so perfectly next to me. It had to be you; and that’s what my sleepy mind thought. That’s what my wake mind thinks. Since I can’t see you nor touch you, was the cushion supposed to be you? Was it a reminder that you were here, to let me know that you were with me? To let me know that we loved? To let me know that you loved? To let me know that you haven’t forgotten me? I also came to the realization that is has been exactly one year since the first time I met you. The first time you held me in your arms. The first time we loved. Did you come to celebrate our anniversary? I love it when these things happen. To know that you were with me. It gives me hope. It gives me patience. It gives me faith. It’s just sad that you didn’t let me know you were here. That I didn’t feel your presence, didn’t feel your love. But perhaps there is another time for that. I believe that there is another time, where we can love. Endlessly and infinitely. And I believe God allowed. Because know I can put my faith in Him again in what He promised me. In what must be what He promised me. In what I believe He promised me: love. Our love. Because this is getting all too coincidental now. And it’s our secret thought. Our secret.
It’s funny though, how hope and imagination work together. What a stupid cushion can make you think. But again, even if you are not real, even if my imagination made me believe you existed… you are real inside my mind. And for me that’s enough to hold on in love. Real or not, it’s the only love I have.