Everything you do for the first time is scary. So is this letter. But if this is the only way to talk to you, if this is the only way to reach you, if this is the only way to let you know what I feel and what I think… I don’t know if you will read this or reading it at the same time I’m writing this, but if you do, I long for you. At night I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about you and that time you held me in your arms. The way your arms asked me to come closer and closer to you. Our skin already touched; our bodies couldn’t be more closer. But your arms still asked, as if it wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t. My body against your body was just skin, but you needed to feel more. And I needed it too. So we shoved closer and closer to each other until our souls merged together. Touching skin was not an enough expression how deeply our love went. It still isn’t. I don’t know if I will ever be capable of describing my feelings for you. I don’t even know what I feel, and I don’t even know if you can call this love. But what I do know is that I miss you and I want you. Sometimes I feel ashamed of it, because who are you really? Again, I fell in love with a stranger. Again, I fell in love with the unreachable. and it seems everytime I fall in love, it runs further and further, and I run slower and slower and the gap between gets bigger and bigger.

You know how it all started: you started to visit me (of course, only you are able to). That night you appeared in my room. You just held me in your arms, as if we have always known each other. You weren’t a stranger, yet you were. It was my first time meeting you, but I know it wasn’t the other way around. How in the world can I ever explain what has happened between us? Did something even happen between us? How can I be sure? You are gone now. You have been gone since our souls met for the first time. Although there were days and nights where I thought I felt your presence, it never felt so strong and it never lasted long. It never felt like the first and only time. It’s like you vanished and left me with so many questions, doubts, feelings. Why did you come if you would leave so soon? Were you even here at all? I’m starting to doubt now whether it was real or not, if you are real or not. Don’t make me believe you were all in my head. I want you to be real. I need you to be real. But if you aren’t… how in the world can I ever explain what has happened in my imaginative mind? Was my desire for love so strong, that I even imagined your touch and your love? Am I such a dreamer, that I made up someone who doesn’t even exist? Did I really imagine you? Did I really make you up from my own mind, from my own yearning? How can my mind deceive me that way? It cannot. It cannot. It felt too real, too intense to be all in my head. I have been yearning for love for years, and I have often imagined and desired love, but it never felt so true, so close, so real as that night with you six months ago. Or you are real, or I am about to lose my mind. And if you are real, please come back. Take away my doubts and my fears. I leave my window open for you tonight again. I will always wait for your return. I will always wait for you.