Why People Self-Harm

There is a lot of misunderstanding about self-harm. Here I want to explain the reasons why people do this and have this addiction and how it is related to depression. It’s not my intention to state facts; I am not a psychiatrist. This is simply about my own past experiences of both depression and self-harm and my point of view, thoughts and research. Hopefully I can give clearance to those who don’t or misunderstand self-harm. It’s also not my intention to go too much in detail about self-harm itself, but may you have this addiction or coping with these thoughts, this may be triggering for you. So choose wisely to read or not to read.

It’s not so crazy that people judge the self-harm scars on other people’s body when they pass by. At school, I had the whispers ‘attention seeker’ and, ‘she’s crazy’ and probably many more. And don’t get me started on all the stares of people, in- and outside school. To give you just a little bit more information about my past; I was fifteen years old when I started self-harming and it lasted for around two years. Honestly, I can’t blame the people who judge. Why would someone purposely hurt themselves? They must be crazy, not? I understand that they don’t understand, for it is quite hard to. We can all picture ourselves being addicted to smoking, to gambling, to food or to drugs. All those things are pretty common (we all smoked a cigarette, we all love a certain type of food), especially the first one. But not many people can picture themselves being addicted to self-harm. Not only because it is less common (and less talked about) or because it’s more mental, but because this is an addiction of doing something harmful to your body on purpose, whilst other addictions are not. Before you think smoking is also harmful to your body, yes, it is. Only the difference here is that smokers don’t choose to smoke to neglect their lungs or hoping to get cancer; they choose to smoke for pleasure. The reason for people to self-harm is to intentionally harm themselves. And this is the part where the understanding goes wrong: the intentionally hurting. Gamble addicts never intended to harm in any way, let alone be addicted, they just wanted to enjoy the game and win some money. Smoke addicts never intended to harm in any way, they just wanted to take pleasure of the taste. Those addictions start out of nowhere, out of life. Whereas self-harm addiction starts within depression; self-harm comes forth of an already serious mental illness. Of course, each addiction is mental and serious, yet self-harm comes from a different root. And that root is what I need to explain.

The shortest explanation is: they are coping with their pain. Like I just said, self-harm comes forth of depression. Depression is a mental illness that goes beyond sadness. In addition to feelings of depression, there are many other symptoms. Here is a short list:

• Feelings of tiredness, exhaustion and/or overwhelming
• Feeling of sadness, misery and/or emptiness
• Sleeping problems
• Headaches
• No appetite
• Anxiety
• Feelings of helplessness, worthlessness and/or hopelessness
• Irritability
• Frustration
• Anger outbursts
• Weight loss or gain
• Loss of interest in activities/hobbies
• Trouble concentrating
• Feeling guilty

There are many opinions about the stages of depression. Personally I believe there are three: mild, moderate and severe. That’s what I learned from my psychologist. While one can have all symptoms (severe), others can have just five (mild). Some can also have all those symptoms in a mild way, whilst others can have just a few in an extreme way. It is still depression, and every ‘stage’ is just as serious as others. I had severe depression and also coped with self-harm. Because I have been there, I can (and want) to explain the reasons of it.

Depression lies. You are living in this constant state where your mind tells you, you are not good enough, you will never be okay, you will never be happy and that there is no way out. That is just a few of the many, many other thoughts. Having these thoughts 24/7 is exhausting. Depression is not just a coming and going, it lives within you. It’s always there, always present. All of it, the exhaustion, the thoughts and the feelings, can eventually get so overwhelming, you can’t handle it anymore. And instead of killing yourself (the reasons vary from person to person), you try another way to end the pain: self-harm. Soon after you start, you realize that the relief or the satisfying feeling doesn’t last long. But for depressed people that is always a moment less depressed. And for them that’s all they desire: no pain.

Dopamine is a substance in the brain that makes us feel satisfied and rewarded. Although dopamine isn’t the cause of addiction, it does play a role in in it. You start to miss the thing that makes you happy and satisfied, so you keep returning to that what makes you feel great. But once it has you, it drags you down deeper and deeper. What once started as ‘innocent’, merely one reason, will no more be than one reason. It will be one of the reasons. Eventually there will be no reason. That may be a bit too incomprehensible, but it is true. Self-harm is not a good solution. It’s not even a bad solution since it isn’t a solution. One cut too deep and you are in the hospital needing to be stitched, one cut at a vein or an artery and you can bleed to death. One cut at the wrong feeling and it can end your life. Self-harm only drags you deeper into depression and is maybe, just maybe, even more deadly than depression itself. That’s by the way not a fact, that’s how I see it. It’s just so dangerous. I do not recommend it. Never. I give it a one star out of five. It’s not worth it! Always take advice from reviews. When so many give low stars, would you take the risk and think, ‘maybe this could be a five star to me’? And since there are not so many reviews on self-harm, I am giving you one. Now you don’t have to take the risk to try, I already did.

Self-harm leaves you scars, of course, but not only gives it you physically scars, but it also gives you mentally scars. We can overcome the addiction, but it will never fully leave you. We will always be sensitive for it. At least with me. Four years later and I still have urges occasionally, but I haven’t touched a blade ever since. And this sounds cliché, but if I can do it, you can do it. I believe that we are stronger than those urges and temptations. We just have to fight. And I believe with all of my heart where there is a will, there is a way. And we can find that way. You can find that way.

Please find professional help if you struggle with self-harm or self-harm thoughts. If you rather talk or cry to a friend or a stranger, I am all ears.

Sources:
https://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/depression-symptoms-causes 
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-symptoms-and-warning-signs.htm